Emily’s Perspective

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Astrology & Your Chart

Hello so I’m back today with a new post about astrology and how I discovered and became interested in it! It’s a long story so I hope you enjoy.

So I began my journey into learning about astrology after my own personal spiritual awakening as before that I had never really thought much about star signs or the moon/planetary alignments.

I actually started becoming interested just over two years ago when I was 18, going through counselling and struggling with severe anxiety when I discovered this new world. I was researching different crystals and their benefits when I came across birthstones which are the crystals that connect best with your star sign. I found out I am a Taurus, So I went and found what crystals are best for Taurians and then I stumbled across moon signs. It was this rabbit hole that helped me understand who I am on a deeper level emotionally, spiritually and physically.

It helped me better understand who I am as a person and I found I truly resonated with being a Taurus and knew that’s who I am. I soon realised I’ve always attracted other Taurians into my life as all my best or close friends were all Taurians, which makes sense as it’s a well known that we tend to stick together! I began to learn about other star signs, there personalities and who we are all most compatible with. This really helped me learn to see people with a new perspective, understanding and really helped my anxiety I was struggling with at the time.

It wasn’t until the pandemic last year that I found I had a real fascination for not just zodiac signs but astrology as I started following channels on YouTube who did monthly star sign readings that I learnt about the planets and how there placements affect each of our signs. How planets going direct or retrograde affect our emotional, physical and spiritual actions in life. I also started educating myself about the moon and how each phase has an impact on us as beings in this universe.

So everyone is born under a star sign, moon sign, and a rising sign which are to do with the planetary alignments at the time you were born on your horoscope. Your star sign (also know as your sun sign) is the first and arguably most important sign in your chart, it is connected to your personality and how you act in situations in life generally, positive or negative. You can find this out based on your day & month of birth.

Next is your moon sign which is not as well known and can be a little more confusing but is the second most important sign in your horoscope, this sign is to do with your emotions. It helps reveal your emotional side and how you connect with other people positively or negatively. This is determined by the time you were born which can be difficult for some people if they do not know that time, such as I believed my moon sign was in cancer until I found out my real time of birth and I’m actually a Sagittarius moon.

Finally you have your rising sign which is connected to your social personality and how you are around people, some astrologers believe this is the most important sign as it can show how your childhood formed and how you present yourself in the world currently. You can also find out your rising sign through knowing your time of birth.

These are often called ‘the big 3’ and you can understand why as these three help you to understand who you are as a whole being. It’s a really interesting and fascinating journey when you learn about these and can help someone a lot who is struggling to find there identity or place in this world as I know it has helped me.

So next up is planetary alignments! Now this can get a little confusing but here is what I have learnt so far about this.

Planetary alignments are really important events that take place that can affect earth and can shift the energy to cause a shake up and may be the reasons behind a lot of anger, wars, things falling into place, peace or spiritual awakenings.

A huge alignment we had this year was the Mercury/ Mars conjunction on August 19th which caused a big shift in energy. Now it isn’t always planets as the moon has a huge affect on us, as the full moon is when the moon is aligned directly on the opposite side of the sun. The new moon is when the moon is directly aligned with the sun. These are all very big events that happen in our solar system, and astrologers believe they play a big part in the universe and the Earth’s natural balance.

I have a strong fascination with the moon and alignments having an affect on our planet makes complete sense when you consider that the moon controls the oceans, the sun controls the plants, our body is made up of 70% water so surely we are connected and controlled by the moon in some form just as not getting enough sun can cause extreme imbalance in our bodies. Everything is connected more than we know in an incredibly amazing way.

Anyway thank you for reading this post and I hope this was interesting in some way or made you think a little deeper about our universe!

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Spirituality With Animals

Hello so I’m back again with another post, today I wanted to talk about spirituality and walking that path with pets. I have had 5 hamsters but only 3 since my own spiritual awakening and through the ups and downs it has been quite the journey!

So I’m an animal lover, possibly more than I like being around people! I always understand animals more than humans as it’s so simple and clear so if you haven’t already guessed, I’m a hamster lover.

I have had 5 hamsters throughout the years, Bella, Oreo, Tinkerbell, Buddy and Mara. I’ve loved all the animals with my whole heart and they will always be with me. Now I wanted to talk about my spiritual experiences with my five hamsters as they have all been different, but I also sort of wanted to dedicate a blog post to these animals. I lost my last hamster Mara just over two months ago and sometimes I realise I’m still trying to mentally understand and heal from this experience.

So spirituality can sound nice and peaceful in thought and sometimes this is true but other times it’s one big punch in the face and a wake up call! This couldn’t be more true when it came too my hamsters.

So Tinkerbell came into my life in 2018 in middle of my awakening and I struggled with her a lot to understand her, she wasn’t very happy for a long while and I believe this was because of my mental well-being and I just didn’t really connect with her.

After a few months and many escape attempts we grew closer and she became an important part of my life. She would sit in bed with me, always waited for me to wake up in the mornings, and loved her treats! she was your average crazy female hammy. Then one day she wouldn’t stop chewing her bars, so I discovered storage boxes can be replacements for cages so I got her one. That first night in her new home I went to bed with this anxiety that she would escape as there was no lid but I ignored it and went to sleep. I went tour that afternoon and never checked on her, i was in a cafe taking to my friend when I just suddenly thought “Tinkerbell has gone”. I couldn’t shake this as I just had this gut feeling and had to go home to be sure, and to my surprise she really was gone. To this day I don’t know what happened to her or where she went but I just was heartbroken that she was all alone, I would sit out in the garden hoping she would by some miracle just show up but she never did.

This was my first real experience with just knowing something and just having this “feeling” that something was true. I never forget this experience as I just remember feeling so confused as to how I knew this was true. I believe you get this “gut feeling” sometimes when the universe knows you need to be prepared for something.

My next hamster was Buddy and I got him in 2019! He was the most peaceful, and caring hamster I’ve ever had and I think the one I had the most connected with. The first day I got Buddy he was friendly and wanted to be held, he loved cuddles, treats and sleeping on my lap. He once escaped one night when I was in bed, from his box but instead of running away he climbed my bed and just appeared on my lap! He was the best and the first time I realised there are real souls in these little animals.

Buddy one day got really sick and started loosing a lot of weight, stopped eating and couldn’t open his eyes. I took him to the vets and they told me he had cancer and would need to be put down, I didn’t truly know what to do but I brought him home because I wanted to spend one more night with him. I put him in my bed that night and remember just thinking “what if he dies right now” it was really awful but I didn’t want him to do so soon. The next morning I took him to the vets and they put him down.

This whole experience for me was quite traumatising as I just just kept flashing back that night with him laying in my bed hardly breathing and just wishing he would get up and be okay again. I really struggled after he passed on and it did send me into a depressive episode that was the worst I had experienced in a long time.

This was a blessing in disguise though because it was the first time I had a “ghostly” experience that actually gave me a sort of epiphany. As one does who is figuring out a spiritual life, so about two weeks after he had died I had been asking for him to visit me but obviously I had been so lost in my depression that I couldn’t been on the right energy for him. So I was slowly feeling more like myself and went back to nature that week and then one night I had this dream that he came to me and then that very next day I just had this feeling that he was around me but there was this happiness around him and positivity. I can’t fully explain to you what this truly was but my whole life I have feared death and how you can just disappear but it was through Buddy dying I had this epiphany that you are a soul in a human body and no one just vanished.

Finally Mara was my last hamster who died just over two months ago, I’m still healing from this but I found this a lot easier to deal with. I only had sadly for Mara for 5 months but she loved food, nature, of course she loved attention!

Mara was the first hamster who helped me see that sometimes an animals happiness means taking them back to there element. I’ve had 5 hamsters and she helped me have a different kind of epiphany! She was a lovely hamster but she had so much energy and constantly wanted to go out, so I one day decided to take her outside which I know is probably a touchy subject for animal lovers. This really made me realise something so obvious it’s ridiculous! Us as humans go to nature when we are stressed or need an escape, why would it be different for hamsters, or any other animal? As it’s their home too and I think I would just freedom if I was stuck in a cage from the day I was born! So I would regularly take Mara outdoors for 5-10 mins and I proved my point because she never once ran away and would go a certain distance and then turn around and come back to me as she was nervy at first of all the new sounds. I would pick flowers for her and she would just sit and eat next to me.

Mara sadly passed away from unknown organ failure at 5 months old which was a real shock for me but for a few weeks before I kept saying that she was loosing weight but I never thought anything really of it as she was so young and seemed content and happy. when she was put down for the first week or so I felt crazy because I was completely fine, I mean I buried her, cleaned, and packed up her home without showing any emotional and didn’t really think about it until about a week later when my life slowed down and I stopped making myself busy and it hit me. I just think my brain couldn’t comprehend what had happened and I was walking around like she had gone for the weekend or something and would be coming back soon.

“You are a soul in a human body”

So this was my experience with my spiritual awakening during the ups and downs with my pets, I learnt that sometimes the universe will send a sign if you listen, then you will hear. I learnt that there is life after death in whatever form, and that connection to nature expands to all forms of life, and we all need to go back to the earth sometimes.

So that’s it and I apologise if this was a more serious and depressing post than usual but it’s an important lesson I’ve learnt and wanted to share. Thank you for reading this if you’ve made it this far and the next post will be less morbid I promise!

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Celebrating The New Moon

Hello so today it felt appropriate to have a follow up from my post Celebrating The Full Moon and talk about the new moon which is tonight in the star sign, Libra which is all happening during the current Mercury retrograde!

So we all know about the full moon but I don’t think many realise how important the new moon is also. The new moon is a lunar event that takes place when the sun is aligned with the moon, this happens at least 12 times a year and can also be known as the dark moon. The same as the full moon many people believe the new moon last around three days. I personally believe day 1 is the day before, day 2 is the day of the lunar event, and day 3 is the day after but I’m sure many spiritual practitioners and astrologist would disagree with me but it is a personal opinion that everyone has too decide for themselves.

The new moon this month is during the Mercury retrograde, in the zodiac sign of Libra which is ruled by the element of air. This moon has some strong Mars energy this month which means that you may have some inner conflict on trying too balance home, work, and outdoors. Mars is all about going out exploring and just being in nature, so you may find yourself struggling for the next couple of days on trying to balance these and still be happy and be doing what makes you happy. Libra is the element of air represents mind and body, so you may find yourself wanting to speak your mind and manifesting what you want in life currently.

How to celebrate this month? There are many different ways such as meditation, manifestation, spell work, a nature walk or jus sit outside and watch the stars. Some other more practical things for those who wants to manifest results from this new moon is too sit and really think about what you want to see happening for you in the next month and write it all down, sit with it for a minute until you truly believe it and then burn it to send into the universe. I also suggest maybe buying a crystal grid to help you manifest, for those who don’t know it is a hexagonal grid with zodiac on it. You place your crystals where you feel they should be and place your piece of paper with intentions underneath and just sit with this and manifest. Everyone has there own preference on how to celebrate but it’s completely up to you and what you want out of life at the time.

The new moon is about new beginnings and setting you intentions going into the next full moon. It’s a time to focus on what you want out of life and anything you want to begin you can manifest and start with positive energy.

So I’m sorry if this was a short post and maybe a little messy in places but I hope this helps anyone who maybe wants to learn more or maybe didn’t realise how important the new moon is!

Happy new moon and thank you for reading.

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My Experience With Crystals

Hello so I’m back again with another post this time about crystals. This has taken me a while to really think about and write as there is so much I could talk about. Another day I might go into it fully and how you can use crystals in a deeper sense from what I’ve learnt so far.

So I discovered crystals when I was kid and the truth is I’ve always been around them, I just never really thought much about it.

When I was young when I would go round to my auntie’s house I always remember there being crystals around and it bringing me so much peace just staring at them and they felt so magical but I never thought to ask about them. Then when I got older around 8 years old I went on a school trip to a museum and in the gift shop I brought my first crystal. I just saw it and I don’t know what made me buy it but it was a rose quartz crystal which I still have to this day.

Then when I was 17 it was may auntie again who showed me her crystal collection and at this point I had looked a bit into what they are for and I was just very drawn to them, so a while later I went to a crystal shop with her and brought more crystals and since then I have learnt so much more than I could have imagined.

At this point 3 years later I have just over 20 crystals in my collection from quartz to pebbles and stones. I have quartz, amethyst, fluorite, labradorite, pyrite, obsidian, selenite and moonstone in different forms. They all are special to me because I got each of them in a certain time in my life when I needed them to heal me, guide me, or so I could learn from them.

So if you’re getting a bit confused on how crystals can guide you or how you can learn from them, don’t worry we are going to get into all that.

So everything in the natural world has an energy force (including us humans) so this includes crystals. When you buy new crystals they have not been used before so you have to cleanse and charge them. So how you cleanse your crystals is a personal choice but the main ways are water, salt or sunlight. You do this because many people may have held your crystal before you and you don’t want there energy around but this is a personal preference. Then you have to charge your crystals and the main way of doing this is moonlight, intentions or meditation. My way is I sit with with my new crystal and envision white light shining all the way through the stone igniting it’s energy, I then tell the crystal what I need help with. You don’t have to cleanse and charge all new crystals but I always charge them because then there’s energy being created.

So there are many uses and ways to benefit from using or having crystals around you. In my last post I talked about using crystals during a full moon because they charge your intentions into the new moon but there are many other purposes. You can hold a crystal when meditating and feel it’s peaceful energy, you can take crystals such as pyrite, obsidian or clear quartz with you when you leave the house or in a car because they are great protective stones. Possibly the most popular use for crystals is too leave some under you pillow when you are sleeping as stones such as clear quartz, amethyst or selenite are great for dream work and if you need any guidance from angels, also these stones are great to stop repetitive nightmares and help you get a good nights sleep.

I hope this has been helpful or interesting as there is so much more to all of this which I will get round to talking about but for now I thought this would be a good start as of to what I know so far and I hope it will maybe help someone who likes crystals but isn’t sure how to get started or how to use them properly but you can always get creative there are endless ways.

I hope you liked this post and it was interesting as they may be more to come on this. Thanks for reading!

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Celebrating The Full Moon

Hello, so here is my first serious blog post. I’ve decided to talk about the full moon that is coming up on Monday 20th September at 12:00 am here in the UK.

I am still learning about the moon cycles and the astrological effects so this blog will kind of be me talking about what I have learned over the last couple of years.

This harvest moon arrives in the star sign of Pisces. Because of this the moon will be in the element of water and ruled by the planet Neptune/Jupiter. The element water is known for emotion and releasing what doesn’t serve you no longer so you can expect to feel rather emotional this full moon and an awareness of your emotions. You may have increased intuition and creativity which are all very positive and full of potential.

This is a time for cycles to end and new journeys and experiences to begin. Which is also all very positive, we also have a Mercury retrograde coinciding with this full moon that starts at the end of this month and continues until October 18th. This retrograde is all about hard work, patience, self awareness, love and family.

“Emit love, expect miracles”

So what can you do to celebrate this full moon? There are many things you can do such as full moon meditations or yogic practices, you can put your crystals out and cleanse them with moonlight, journaling and setting intentions, spell work, you could light a candle, or you could simply sit outside and watch the moon. There are many ways to celebrate and welcome in this full moon in your way and sometimes it depends on what astrologically is going on that decides how you celebrate and how you want to set your intentions.

I hope this post helps someone out there who may just be starting in there spiritual journey and might be drawn to the moon but not know how to start celebrating each phase of the moon. Its taken me a long time to find my footing in this world of spirituality and what that means for me personally but I’ve learnt that learning about astrology and the moon are things I truly love.

So happy full harvest moon and I hope you celebrate in your own way and go into this retrograde peacefully and aligned with your life goals!

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Welcome To My Blog!

Hello I’m Emily and I’m 20 years old and I’ve created this blog to talk about what I have learnt so far in my life.

I’m sure this won’t be perfect at first but I plan to talk about many different topics such as, my love of photography and how it helped me discover my path of spirituality and awakening, magic and connection to the earth. I will also be talking about my love of animals and my amazing conspiracy theories! So if this interests you please stick around.

Thank you and I hope this will be the start of many great posts too come!

My Dark Night Of The Soul

Hello so I thought I would write about something that’s been a really strange experience for me recently. I have been going through my own Dark night of the soul which has been really difficult and I’m hoping maybe someone will understand what I’m going through by writing about this.

What is Dark night of the soul?

So what is it? Dark night of the soul is something that people experience after a big event in someone’s life, good or bad such as a death, a break up or a spiritual awakening.

It is a period of time where there is no presence of God or spiritual guidance, it is an extremely painful time that can last months or years in some cases. It can sometimes feel like you are in a deep depression, you might really lost in your life and almost ‘missing a soul’ or any purpose for life. You might feel like you’ve ‘lost your spirituality or connection to God’ but it is in fact the opposite.

We go through a Dark night of the soul because it is a journey to becoming a higher, better version of yourself and spirit. It’s entering a new phase of life that you will be ready for. It may feel like your going backwards I’m life until your dark night of the soul ends and you enter this new phase.

My Dark of the soul

Okay I only recently realised that this is what I’m experiencing and I’m still going through it. I don’t know when I will come out the other side and it’s been a really difficult process so far.

So I noticed that I had been feeling depressed a lot more often since I moved into my own place in June last year, I’ve never been very good at processing change even if it’s something I created. I still felt a connection to spiritually but lost interest in crystals, herbalism, nature or my spell work.

My Nan passing away in October last year is what I believe caused my Dark night of the soul because I’ve not been the same since that day. I know that’s a normal emotion when your dealing with grief and that’s what I thought I was experiencing but I’m starting to recognise that I’m going through a dark night of the soul.

My experience so far

So my experience so far has been really strange as I’ve not really known what’s been happening to me. I lost my Nan in October and my depression got far worse after then which is expected when you lose someone you love.

I have never wanted to write about these topics on my blog but I also want to be honest about my experience so I was struggling with suicide ideation which I haven’t dealt with for about 6 years when I was last seriously depressed. Luckily I have reached out to a mental health service for support because I know that’s a symptom of depression and not my reality.

So because of my depression I have had such a strong, overwhelming feeling of just being lost and not understanding what my purpose is. I had started a course in October to become a Spiritual counsellor but I had to pause my course in January because of financial difficulties which I think didn’t help me because that was the only thing I felt I had that was giving me a purpose or passion in life.

I also unfortunately stopped finding a reason to keep writing on this blog because I felt like I have nothing to write about. I felt like I had lost my creative or passion to write because I wasn’t just stuck in this dark mental state that I couldn’t seem to get out.

Personal changes

So this was a real sign for me that I was going through some shift because in January I started to process a lot of trauma for when I was a child for the first time. I was a foster care child and I think I have always disconnected from that experience as if I watched it happen in a movie to different child instead of just accepting what happened and sending love to my younger self. so that had been a huge development for me and I hope anyone reading this who has been through childhood trauma or any trauma understands this and it maybe helps them step towards processing what they went through.

The other thing I have been experiencing which happened only a few days ago on the 5th March. So I woke up at 4am on Sunday and for some reason I clicked on this podcast (I’m not going to name the podcast) and the episode was about an ex energy healer who ended up turning to Christianity after an “epiphany” that what she was doing was wrong or ‘evil’.

This may be very controversial and strong emotions come up for every spiritual person when it comes to this subject but it really affected me and I couldn’t shake this women’s story and I still am struggling with it.

I have always been the quirky, different person that prefers to sit alone talking to trees since a young child and my family always loves to remind me of this! So as a child I was looking into conspiracy theories, aliens, and I’ve always believed in ghosts.

When I was 17 years old I got introduced to spirituality, it’s been an incredible, terrifying, fun, overwhelming, life changing experience so far but when I listened to this podcast, everything sort of fell apart and I started questioning everything I believe in.

When I found spirituality I was really depressed and I truly believe that spirituality saved me life, I thought I had nothing to live for and then all of a sudden I discovered this world that just lit a fire underneath me to find my passion.

Unfortunately I had a revelation the other day that I don’t know what I believe because this woman on this podcast made me realise that I don’t believe in much of spirituality and it doesn’t make much sense, especially manifestation and meditation.

So now I’m sort of going through an existential crisis as I’m realising I put all my interests and everything I’m passionate about into spirituality and now I’m questioning the very thing that makes me who I am. This also has a ripple effect into whether or not I continue my Spiritual counselling course, continuing this blog which is mostly spirituality, who I am and what I truly believe in.

This is when I realised something else must be going on and I connected the dots as questioning and loosing your spirituality is a big part of a Dark night of the soul.

So I’m not sure what’s next for me or where I’m going to end up at the end of this, I’m processing a lot, I’ve realised that one thing that connects all of these things is a feeling is change, my spiritual beliefs are changing, my mindset is changing, my past trauma is changing, what I’m passionate about is changing and my view of life is changing, and the most ironic part of this is that the one thing I hate most is change, nothing is in my control, only how I react and process it.

So I wrote this blog post because I hope there is maybe someone out there who reads this that is going through something similar and can relate to my experience right now and maybe help me understand what I’m going through a bit better!

Dark nights of the soul are painful times in someone’s life and sometimes cause everything to be shaken up, but the dark doesn’t exist without the light and it’s just a transitional period to come into a better version of yourself.

I don’t know when I will write another blog post because I have no clue what to write about at the moment but I will come back to this eventually. Thank you for reading.

Spiritual Disconnection

Hello, so I thought I would write about something that has been really difficult for me to process. Spiritual disconnection is hard when you feel like you’ve been making such great progress for a while.

“Creator and creation are one, therefore creator, creation and I are one”
– Earth magic, Steven D. Farmer

What is spiritual disconnection?

Okay so what is spiritual disconnection? Spirituality is an ever changing experience for each person in this planet and no two journeys are the same but we all go through moments where everything feels ‘silent’.

So spiritual disconnection is an experience when you have been really focused on spirituality for a long time and spent a lot of time healing and working on yourself for a long time, but then suddenly it just stops.

The ‘disconnection’ will feel different for everyone and some may experience just feeling exhausted or fed up with it, some just lose interest or passion for it, or some people may feel angry and like there aren’t making any progress and want to step away for that reason.

These are all normal experiences and are valid as when you find spirituality, it can feel like you found the secrets to the universe and it is really to become obsessed and nothing is without balance so at some point you may lose complete interest in it as well.

Why does this happen ?

There are many reasons this may happen, the world can be very connected to a very low vibration and when you are on a higher vibration it is hard to balance the two and you can go to a lower vibration when life gets difficult or your focus needs to be elsewhere.

Mental health is a huge reason for spiritual disconnection, life is difficult and things happen that we don’t see coming. There is a lot of evidence that shows that spirituality and mental health is strongly linked to each other because it’s a very emotional experience a lot of the time which will have an effect on you.

Your diet can be another huge reason, if your not fuelling your body the right way or struggling with an eating disorder, this can can have a strong effect on your spirituality, if you don’t have the energy then you not going to be focused enough. Also food is healing for your body, certain foods can benefit you when going through your journey and if your not eating those foods then if can have an effect.

Life is also the most common one, life is fast paced and we live in a world that isn’t structured for a spiritual experience. Unless you are working in a job you love and living somewhere that brings you peace it can be really difficult to find your connection to spirituality sometimes.

There are many other reasons but these are just a few because I can’t go into them all on this post.

My experience

From my experience, when I discovered spirituality it was a slow journey where I just focused on learning about crystals for a few months and then found meditation to focus on for a while. At some point once I was confident enough and just started learning about everything and anything.

I learnt about herbalism and how to connect with nature, I had an interest in witchcraft for a few years then in 2020 started practicing. I took everything very slowly and studied everything before I started practicing. I was became really confident and comfortable in my process with spirituality and really felt like I had found myself and my soul purpose.

As you know in June 2022, I moved into my own home and one thing I have never been okay with is change.

Moving on my own was/ has been really difficult and far more hard than I expected. I always say spirituality saved my life because it helped my heal from my depression and anxiety and it’s the reason I knew it was real because before that I couldn’t see anything helping me.

A few months into living on my own my depression came back and I was struggling with my OCD which started because of the pandemic. To make everything worse, my spirituality sort of ‘disappeared’ which was really strange and I didn’t like. Nature has been a huge part of my spirituality and where I live now it’s all building construction and not really any nature so I think that had a big affect on me and my mental health which also then made me not want to go outside.

I was really obvious too me that I had lost my spirituality and that made it even worse because to me I thought I’m either “spiritual or depressed” because spirituality was the only thing that gave me hope and a passion for life.

I think a lot of people feel this way because spirituality is sort an epiphany that can happen during severe depression, which is what happened to me.

So this went of for about 4 months and then my nan died. This completely destroyed any progress I had/ was making. I had hoped that maybe this would bring back my spirituality in some form but it didn’t and the first two months was really difficult and I mainly just distracted myself.

Grief is one of the strangest experiences, you know someone has left this earth and you can’t talk to them, being spiritual I was hoping to have that connection to her but I haven’t felt anything which has been hard because I miss my nan so much.

It been 3 months and I’m starting to get moments where I get that call back to spirituality, I have times when I need to go for a walk and connect to nature and the Earth, I have moments when I want to practice witchcraft or get my crystals out or meditate under a full moon. I used to do all these things religiously but things are different now, that brings me sadness but I give myself peace and don’t get upset because I know this present me is not who I used to be and has experienced things the past me couldn’t imagine.

How to deal with this?

Okay so you never really know how long it will be or when you will feel more connected to that side of yourself. Everyone will be different depending on if you fight it, get upset over it or embrace it and understand that it’s not where your head is at right now.

You have to remind you self constantly that it not gone completely, you might not feel ‘connected’ or like you have any guidance right now but that for a reason. You are going through something where you don’t need any other distractions and you need to sit in the present and focus on you, not the bigger picture. You cannot lose your spirituality, sometimes you just can’t connect to it as strongly as other days but even then you are connected and supported no matter what.

“We are spiritual being living a human existence”

I don’t know when or if my spirituality will come back to where it was before but I know that I am still supported and guided by my angels (and my nan) who just want me to get the most out of this life. This life isn’t meant to be easy because we wouldn’t learn or grow at all if that was the case.

Thank you for reading and I hope this resonates with you or helps you feel understood!

A Year Of Change

Hello… so it’s been a while since I sat down and wrote on this blog. It’s now 2023 and a whole new year ahead of us!

I made a promise to myself when I started this that I would be honest on this blog, so I have tried to write for a while, but just deleted them because my head has just not been in the right space. I had nothing positive or helpful to talk about so I just accepted that and I told myself I would come back to this when the time is right and the inspiration comes back to me.

Where have I been?

So these past few months have been really difficult and that’s the reason I stepped away from the blog. I normally can find a positive in most situations but recently I have just been really negative.

I have talked about this before in other posts but I do struggle a lot with my mental health. Depression is the one I haven’t struggled with for a long time, I have had moments but not serious depression for over 4 years. In recent months I have really become depressed again, I know why and I’m not surprised but it’s been tough.

As many of you know, if you read Dealing With Grief that I lost my Nan in October last year, it has been a really strange and painful experience. I have never lost someone really close to me before and I knew this would be difficult and going into the unknown.

My nan was someone who showed me how to have faith no matter what and that love is a blessing. Since she died I have felt so lost and defeated with life, I used go to her when I needed inspiration or just a reminder of how beautiful life is and I think I have lost that at the moment which is sad. Grief is an incredible strange experience that is different for everyone and it is never easy.

If I’m being honest with myself I haven’t been that happy since I moved out on my own but losing my nan really hit me. You never know how your going to feel and I have really not known what to feel or what I was feeling for a long time now.

In these three months I have realised how not okay I am with change! My brain really hates change and doesn’t know how to cope and this is something that I am learning to except, I experienced situations in life that made me fear change but that is okay and I will learn to accept because life is ever changing and we can’t stop that. I have been going through such bad anxiety over the littlest things that shouldn’t really cause anxiety, I’m a very anxious person naturally so it has just felt heightened, I have recognised that it is all caused by the fear of change or not knowing what is going to happen next. But I know this just who I am and this is normal when going through grief and it will get better and reminding myself that I’m not crazy for feeling this way.

For the past 3 years I have been on a really amazing spiritual journey that I wouldn’t change for the world because it’s given me far more than could have expected or wanted. In the past six months I have lost my spirituality, I was really upset and frustrated at first because it felt like going backwards or I had lost my way too far to find it again. I have come to understand now that it’s not a bad thing I have been through a lot in recent months, more than I saw coming and if I’m not as spiritual then it’s okay. You cannot ‘lose’ your spirituality and it’s okay to to have the space to breath and be in the moment for a while. I still have times when I get a call back to it, sometimes I want to meditate, pray or work with my crystals and sometimes I don’t and that’s completely okay right now because I know I will come back to it fully at some point.

I apologise if this was a really serious blog post but I have been writing and then deleting posts because it felt like I was lying so I thought I would just be honest. I am not doing well but I’m getting there and will be okay in the end.

Also there maybe someone else reading this who is going through grief and is experiencing similar emotions. So I hope this post resonates with anyone going through a similar situation and I hope you can give yourself the love and space to heal.

Thank you for reading, I’m not promising regular posts because I’m still not too sure what to write but I have one idea I’m working on so hopefully it will be soon.

Life Update 2.0

Hello, so I’m back and I just want thank everyone for the lovely comments on my last blog post, it’s been a strange couple of weeks and I haven’t been sure what to write since the loss of my nan so I thought I would just do a ‘journal style’ blog today.

These past 3 weeks have been extremely difficult, stressful and exhausting. This Thursday we had the funeral for my nan, it was a beautiful service and I think she would have loved it but it was so difficult, I think it’s reality sinking in that life really is going to be different with her not here anymore. So I thought I would would write a blog about what I’ve been experiencing these past few weeks mentally/ spiritually and just in life.

Mental Health

So I have mentioned this in a previous blog post but I struggle with anxiety, depression & OCD. I actually went into therapy for my OCD this year and finished last month and was no longer struggling with high functioning OCD. So it was really interesting (and frustrating) when dealing with grief my OCD really came back in waves when I was faced with a lot of stress and emotions.

My OCD manifested in contamination, it began at the beginning of the pandemic and I never dealt with it because I assumed that was completely normal given the situation the world was in, I thought my routines and compulsions were just how everyone was acting. I only realised it was out of control when I was starting to become frozen in anxiety and the only safe space was my bedroom because I could control what would be ‘contaminated’. After this I spoke to a lot of different people and eventually a therapist and learnt it was just a way of my brain trying to get control when everything seemed out of my control.

So it’s been a really long process and I still struggle with it but I’ve made such progress in the last two months and don’t feel the compulsions so strongly anymore. So the past few weeks with have been really difficult because it’s the first time I’ve had to go through something such as grief and learn not to use my compulsions to deal with emotions. The night before the funeral my auntie said she wasn’t feeling well and this almost felt like the universe just testing me to see what I would do! I knew my brain would focus in on that but I sat with myself and actually got angry at myself for being worried about someone being ill instead of focusing on my nan’s funeral. So that morning I woke up really anxious and was really stressed but kept telling myself that even if I did get ill, what is so scary about that? I wasn’t going to avoid my auntie on the day of her mother’s funeral, it’s horrible that your OCD makes you think I’m that way but I really just got angry at it and refused to give into the thoughts. Funnily enough my auntie wasn’t ill and I spent the day with everyone just fine and the thoughts or compulsions stopped coming into my mind.

This really was a real test for me and I really proved that I have have a long way and have definitely made a breakthrough in my OCD because if that had been a few months ago, I probably would have been an anxious wreck and probably sat on my own, avoiding everyone or been constantly running to clean my hands. I don’t know if I will ever fully be free from my OCD but I now know that I have enough tools to go through the day, especially really stressful days and not be focused on controlling everything around me and recognise that it’s okay to feel anxious.

Spirituality

Okay so I have really struggled with this blog more than usual in the last few months. That is mainly because this is meant to be dedicated mostly to spirituality and since July I have been completely spiritually disconnected.

I started living on my own at the end of June and about two weeks after that I just seemed to have lost any connection to my spirituality, intuition or interest in anything spiritual.

I have struggled mentally a lot in recent months, more than I expected and at one point thought I had seriously slipped back into depression. I think I have been ‘grieving’ the life I had before moving because I’ve never been on my own before and it has been so much more difficult than I expected, I lost my job because I just wasn’t going in because I couldn’t get myself up in the morning.

I think all of this just put my spirituality on pause, I have have crystals all over my flat and I love my crystals but I haven’t looked at them, I haven’t meditated in months. Also a huge part of my spirituality is nature, I feel most connected sitting under a tree in the middle of nowhere but where I live isn’t anywhere near nature or fields so I have lost my connection to the earth which is the one thing that upsets me the most because that is the one thing that has helped me through absolutely everything, happy, sad, anxious, excited, adventurous, nature is where I go to be free and to be myself. I truly believe family & nature is my true home I always want to go back to and I really feel like in recent months I have lost that connection, which makes me so sad.

About a month ago I had a real call back to spirituality but I didn’t know where to even begin, then I started my course for a spiritual counselling diploma, which brought back that spark a little bit as I started my first module in tarot card reading, it was just what I needed but also helped me realise how disconnected I have become because when I was trying to tap into my intuition my mind was just blank, and I had no messages or guidance to really give anyone in the readings. It was a good step back into spirituality and something completely different that I had no idea I would really enjoy and was so fascinating to learn about.

Then about three days after this course module my nan passed away, which for some people can bring a lot of spiritual awakenings or experiences. It hasn’t really been that way for me which I’m learning to except but I think I’m the back of my mind I was hoping I wails feel more connected to my nan through my spirituality but I’ve still been very disconnected but it’s a very emotional experience and when the time is right, I will get the call back. I have been drawn a bit more back to my crystals the last couple weeks and went and brought a new quartz necklace that I have been wearing, also have been drawn back to nature a bit more but I’m having to learn that I’m just going to have to go a lot further to be on my own in nature, but it’s worth it if that’s what brings me happiness and grounding.

Blog

So I have a lot of great ideas for the blog, it might be more focused on mental health the next few weeks/ months and a few on spirituality but I can’t write about something I’m not experiencing at the moment. I’m sure I will come back to it when I’m more connected to it, I just have really struggled to find what to write about in recent months because I feel like I am lying or talking about something I’m not going through which I can’t do, that just feels like I’m being fake or not honest and the honest truth is that I haven’t been spiritual for the past three months and have been focused on my mental health so that’s what I will be sharing mostly with you. I want to talk a lot more about OCD as it’s something that’s not talked about a lot and it’s such a complex mental illness, I apologise if you read this blog for spiritual posts.

Okay so thank you for reading and hope this was interesting in some way! Thank you again for the support from Dealing With Grief post, it was so lovely to know that it resonated with you.

See you in the next blog!

Dealing With Grief

Hello so I’m back, I feel like I’m always apologising for how long it’s been but hopefully I will get a schedule together eventually! So this blog post is a little bit of difficult one to write but maybe this will help others in a similar situation.

“Grief is just love with no place to go”
~ Jamie Anderson ~

Okay so this is the most difficult blog I’ve written but I think it’s going to help me in the long run, so here goes.

Grief is unavoidable in this life, and eventually someone will grieve us as we move on. I’m only 21yrs old and haven’t experienced any serious loss or loss that I was old enough to fully remember until a week ago yesterday when I lost Nan. I knew this was coming eventually and was going to be a difficult, but it doesn’t really matter how much you prepare for these times because it’s us just us humans trying to control what we have no control over unfortunately.

My Nan had dementia so you know it’s only a matter of time, so in that way you are kind of prepared and I have spend the last few years so angry at an illness as I watched it take my Nan from me and my family day by day with nothing you can do. But she was still doing well and still remembered all of us but was starting to show signs that it wasn’t going to be long until we wouldn’t even have that.

So I got the call last Wednesday in the morning and it is strange because are brains are wired to panic and consider all worst situations first as a survival mechanism yet somehow it doesn’t do very well at processing bad news because my brain just stopped functioning. All I remember saying after I hung up the phone whilst panicking to get ready to go to family was “no, I’m not ready for this, she’s not ready yet”.

I’ve spent the last week back home with my grandad and Auntie so yesterday I finally came back to my flat.

So the first two days the only word I kept saying was that it just felt strange and it really did, it felt like time just stopped. So the first two days it just didn’t feel like she had died, I just couldn’t understand and I still don’t but it felt like she had gone somewhere and I was just waiting for her to come back, she has her own chair that is always hers and no one could sit in it because it was like we were holding it for her to come back to sit in it. I also found that I couldn’t cry for these two days, I am normally a really emotional person and it doesn’t take much but for some reason I just couldn’t but I think I was just in shock.

By the third day I definitely started to feel really sad and realisation started to hit me plus we heard from the coroner which made it a real reality. The whole week felt like it wouldn’t end as every day just felt so slowly yet somehow a week on, I can’t believe it’s been a week since she left.

I think me and my family spent a lot of days just reading each other and just making sure we are all okay. I think I mainly just spent a lot of time worried and thinking about everyone else, my grandad who just lost his soulmate and wife of 57 years, my auntie and uncle who just lost their mother and the rest of my family who are trying to process what has happened. It just reminded of the quote,

“Death doesn’t hurt, it hurts everyone you leave behind”

I can now realise that it was a mistake to focus on everyone else, although that is important, I think my brain didn’t want to accept or come to terms with what had happened and it every time I was alone or started to feel sad I was having panic attacks or do anything to distract myself. I went to see my sister this Sunday and the minute I was going to bed I had a panic attack and just had this need to go back to my grandad and auntie, I couldn’t fully understand why but I just told myself I’m going through a lot right now and if that’s where I need to be then that’s where I will be, so I went back.

This wasn’t the right or wrong decision but I think it was in reality, a denial of what has happened, because I think I wanted to go back because that’s where my Nan would have been and I felt like if I was there I could stay connected to her but obviously in reality I am always connected to her but she isn’t here anymore and I just didn’t want to realise that.

So on Monday I started to feel ill and it was weird because I hadn’t been anywhere to get sick, and it may have been my body trying to get me recognise what had happened and to actually take some time to process because that is the thing about me, when I’m extremely anxious or there is a lot of emotions going on it does come out in a physical way for me, so I do recognise this now and it only lasted two days and I feel completely normal now.

In the back of my mind I new I had to go home eventually and the life had to resume at some point so I told myself I would give myself a week to just give myself a complete free pass and not have any worries about anything else. So that is what I did and yesterday was Wednesday and a whole week had passed so I finally came home to my flat!

To put it lightly, it’s been horrible since I came home and the minute I walked through the door I burst into tears. I was given a lot of my Nan’s clothes and a box of glasses and ornaments so I spent a few hours just crying, listening to her favourite music, finding homes for all the ornaments and just cleaning up my flat but most importantly I’m finally processing.

Today is been even worse and I still have this panicked feeling to run back to my grandad and family but I’m not going to because it’s not going to make me feel better to see her still not there and I know they will all be okay and so will I eventually.

Death is something that no human can ever understand, it doesn’t matter how much we try to prepare or know something is coming, we are never ready and we never will be because death is the biggest thing a human can go through. From a human perspective I can’t understand where my nan has gone and why I can’t sit and talk to her anymore and I am going to miss her for the rest of my life and so will everyone else who loves her. From a spiritual perspective, second to birth, death is the most beautiful experience someone can go through, I am so happy for my nan that she gets to go the next part of her journey and experience whatever it is next, because god knows she deserves it, that woman was pure love and happiness in the final year and that is how I will remember and I’m honoured to have experienced a part of life with her.

So I hope this blog post has an impact on you and helps anyone who is experiencing a loss of someone. Death is painful and I don’t think most of our brains are built to handle these types of experiences especially if that death is traumatic.

Thank you for reading this post and feel free to comment or contact me on Instagram or Facebook at ‘emilysperspectives’

10 Months With Cocoa

Hello, so today I thought I would just give you an update on Cocoa as it’s been a while. A lot has happened in 10 months and she’s has made me more happy than I imagined and had a great affect on my life.

Okay so sadly I have some bad news…. Cocoa did pass away this Wednesday on 28th September, she died peacefully but it was a real shock and it does mean there will be no more updates for her but I thought I would let you know how the last two months have been.

The last two months with Cocoa have been really lovely as I’ve been struggling a lot with living on my own, more than I could have imagined so it’s been really nice having her with me and somehow I think she knew this and had been very talkative with me!

Obviously she was getting very old and had just turned 2 years old last month so I knew it wasn’t going to be long before she passed because she wasn’t eating much anymore and had stopped really moving other than to eat and things but nothing for entertainment, she was also breathing very heavily constantly and shaky on her feet. So she didn’t do much these last few months but still was always happy and would sit with me on the sofa and sleep on my lap and was just really content (as always).

So for anyone who reads this that doesn’t know, I rescued Cocoa 10 months ago when she was already 1 years old after her previous owners gave her up because she was “aggressive”. I have had 5 hamsters before so I knew it would be a challenge but I could take care of her instead of someone else taking her with no experience and finding her difficult because of her age and that she had been neglected for a year. So I decided to bring her home and funnily enough the minute I saw her she came to me almost as if she chose me, so it felt like a perfect match and it truly was. On the way home she acted psychotic and chewed through two boxes in a panic but to my surprise the minute she got put in her new home she completely changed and instantly calmed right down, I don’t know what environment she was in previously but it did take her a long time to trust me and for a while she had no interest in coming near me, she was never scared or aggressive and was very calm but just wasn’t really interested in interacting with humans. It took about 3/4 months to undo a year of neglect but she finally recognised that I was trying to help her and care for her and she ended up becoming a really happy, content hamster.

I say all this because looking after Cocoa taught me that you should judge or give up on something/someone because it could just be misunderstood and just needs love. I learnt a lot about animal behaviour as well because I essentially had to try to tame an adult hamster that was stuck in her ways and what she only knew.

So like I mentioned Cocoa did sadly pass on Wednesday and it has been a very strange couple of days. I was on the phone when she died and was sitting next to her 10 mins before and she was squeaking at me because she had just woken up, and she wanted some attention, so I went over to say hello to her and she decided to sleep next to me for a minute then I went back to the sofa so she went to be, and it was only 10 mins or less and I looked back to see what she was doing and she had just passed. It was very strange how the whole thing happened and I believe she died of old age but it was like she wanted to say goodbye and then she just died, it was just so shocking as she was just eating and moving around a few minutes before! The whole experience will stay with me I think because of how strangely timed it was and yet I think she somehow knew it was her time to go, I will miss her and home has not felt the same with her gone but she is not forgotten and I know she’s with me in spirit.

Anyway I apologise if this is a bit of a more morbid, sad blog today but I thought I would update anyone who has followed Cocoa’s little journey with me and I probably won’t be having another hamster so this will be the last blog about hamster unless anyone specifically wants me to write anything.

Thank you for reading this if you made it to the end! Hopefully I will have a happier blog post next week, bye.

1 Year Anniversary!

Hello! Oh my goodness so I have been looking forward to writing this blog for a while, it’s been a whole year since I started this blog!

Wow! 1 year… okay so obviously this post doesn’t have a specific topic but I thought I might write about what I’ve learnt or gained in the past year from having this blog.

So creating this blog has been accidentally the best decision I could have made for myself! I have learnt so much about myself and discovered what I enjoy!

How I created this blog?

Okay last year I did a lot of different online courses, unsure of what I wanted to do but just trying find something I’m passionate about. So I did a journalism course because I’ve always loved writing and did enjoy it but couldn’t relate to any topics I needed to write about, but had it in my head that I would become a freelance journalist and write about astrology/ or crystals. This didn’t end up happening because I realised it would be difficult to write what I wanted to and pay my bills. I also did a course on crystals and there purposes, I then decided I wanted a proper career so I decided to go to college to study psychology and eventually have my own practice.

It soon became obvious that psychology was just something I’m interested in because of my own mental health and I had no way of affording university so I decided that wasn’t going to be possible either, plus there still was this feeling it just wasn’t the right path for me.

So after all this, I was feeling really frustrated and confused about what I wanted to do and the only thing I was certain about was my love of spirituality which at the time I couldn’t see being a job so I just sat in my defeat and confusion for a while.

I started having these outbursts of frustration a lot and realised it’s because of my uncertainty because I always knew I didn’t want to just have a job to pay for a home and a family, that’s not the life I wanted so I was determined to find my passion. I had an epiphany moment when I realised my passion is spirituality! But all aspects, astrology, crystals, herbalism, Runic study, magic and nature. But this annoyed me even more because I had no idea how any of these could become something I talk or study for a living.

So I talked to my Auntie about why I was frustrated and that I had too many thing I wanted to do, and she said I should start a blog!

I will always remember that day, because right after she said this, I went upstairs and searched ‘how to make a blog’ and discovered WordPress, and that same night I brought a domain and started EmilysPerspective! For the first time I had no doubts that it was something I had to do and was the perfect way for me to be creative and talk about everything I love.

What I’ve learnt so far?

I’ve learnt a lot from this this blog in the past year, but mainly I never would have thought all those questions I had would have been answered through having this blog!

I’ve discovered that writing really is something I love and on here I have the freedom to write about whatever I’m passionate about or share my opinions on all kinds of things. There’s no real limit and that’s the reason I chose to call it “EmilysPerspective” which I literally just came up with when I had to create a domain but couldn’t be a more perfect name as this really has become my place to write about my life and my ‘perspective’ on situations or my interests and beliefs.

The other thing to come from this blog is that I have discovered what I want to do. As I said I spent a while frustrated with not knowing what I wanted to do or where I wanted a career because I couldn’t imagine haven’t a 9/5 job if I wasn’t happy. So thanks to this blog, I’ve learnt so much about how to start a website/ business and if I hadn’t started this, I’m pretty sure I would have taken so much longer to realise this and connect the dots or might have never.

Discovering spirituality really saved my life and I will never forget that and my mantra is that “everything happens for a reason” nothing is without purpose and it’s so true because starting this blog has given me so much more than I could have imagined. I had no real expectations coming to this, and it really became the greatest gift, and have managed to learn so much about myself and found what impact I want to leave in this world.

Okay thank you so much if you’ve read this to the end! I’m so glad I made this blog a year ago and hope the next year will be even more enjoyable and can share much more stories and things I’m passionate about with you!

See you in the next blog, bye.

Full Moon/ Mercury Retrograde

Hello, I’m back today with a blog about the upcoming Full moon tomorrow on the 10th September! This full moon is set to reach its peak at 10:00.AM, BST in the U.K. and is going to be an emotionally charged one for a lot of us!

Okay so I’m a little bit late for this but the Full moon this month is an exciting one! There is a lot of energy going on currently and astrological alignments happening that’s making everything stronger than usual. The main event that’s happening in conjunction with the full moon at the same time is the Mercury retrograde! Which is going to be stirring up a lot for us and making it an emotionally changed time.

Pisces Full moon

Okay so firstly we have the full moon which begins as the moon rises at 7:56pm tonight but reaches its peak at 10:00A.M (BST) which is when the energy will take full effect.

So this full moon is in Pisces which is a sign that is represented by the element of water. Now water embodies emotions and healing. With this Pisces is also ruled by the planet Neptune which represents an Earth energy, so we may be getting a lot of emotional feelings appearing for us currently but also a real grounding energy and a want to go back to our roots.

Full moons are one of the most powerful times astrologically as it’s a time of learning, growing & releasing. This is a time to take advantage of the energy shift and transform with it. Now this Full moon is also called the Harvest Full moon, now this is because it’s closest to the autumn equinox and a time where farmers do most of their harvesting. What does this represent symbolically? It’s represents a time for you to ‘harvest’ what you want in life, the previous full moon to to discover and acknowledge what you want, this full moon is a time to go and get it, it’s a time to take action in your own life and spiritual well-being.

Mercury Retrograde

It’s Mercury retrograde season! That time that everyone loves but fears! This retrograde starts from the 9th September- 2nd October, and will be in conjunction with the full moon this month.

Mercury retrogrades are a very challenging time for a lot of people because it feels like chaos is happening! It’s a very strong energy for change, this Mercury retrograde is centred around ‘Reflection’ so you may feel a real want to look back on experiences or situations, you may also have a real want to change your circumstances or create something new and different. This is a great opportunity for people to start to really manifest! Manifestation is one of the best ways to get some control and create a real change for yourself during this time because the energy is a strong at this time, there couldn’t be a better moment to spend the whole period of time of this retrograde manifesting what you really want or are passionate about. I will write another blog all about Mercury retrogrades and their meaning soon.

What this all means?

So there’s A LOT going on at the moment and a lot of people are feeling it, firstly this Pisces full moon is focused on energy, I wrote a blog Energy Transferring explaining how we tend to take on lots of people’s energy without realising and this Full moon is a time to release that and clear it because it doesn’t serve you and you need to re-centre your self, ground yourself and recognise where your heading. Also a time to take action on things you want to do, passions, hobbies, interests that your soul loves, focusing on your soul path and passions. Now the Mercury retrograde is going to come in and disrupt that energy a bit because the Mercury retrograde may have you feeling stuck or feeling unable to do what you really enjoy but you have to push through this and recognise as the retrograde will also bring in the energy for you to eventually focus and have great self discovery!

Full moon/ Retrograde tools

Okay so things that you can do to help you during this time is lots of journaling is great for reflection, self discovery, and healing. Also meditation is great during this time for intuition which we will need with so much energy around us, also walking in nature to ground ourselves, working with crystals also for intuition/grounding/spiritual growth, also this is an amazing time to manifest which I can’t stress enough with such strong energy now is a perfect time to manifest all your dreams!

Also this is a great time for fellow witches because there’s so much spell work to do during this time and working with the energy and connecting to it.

I hope this is helpful! There is a lot going on at the moment and it does feel a bit overwhelming sometimes but remember to acknowledge but don’t let it shake yourself or surroundings.

Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed it, Happy Full moon and good luck during this Mercury retrograde!

Where Have I Been?

Hello… so I’m back and I’m really sorry it’s been a while since I posted anything, It’s been the strangest time in my life and wanted to just write sort of a journal blog today to get back into this whilst I come up with some new ideas for the blog!

Okay so where have I been? So over a week ago I celebrated two months living in my new home on my own which is really exciting and crazy how fast time can go!

So over the past month since I last wrote Energy Transferring, I lost my job which was really stressful and did affect me a lot more than I realised. At first I felt really relieved but looking back, the job wasn’t stressful over overwhelming. I think I just was heading to a bad mental health and couldn’t maintain my life so when I was fired I felt relieved because I couldn’t just “focus on myself” which turned out to be the furthest from the truth as I ended up mentally becoming worse.

I lost my job a month ago and it really came at the worst time because I had just moved out and starting living on my own which is overwhelming enough as it it but then lost my financial stability which I stayed in denial about for a long time and did a very good job of ignoring.

Mental Health

So this is something I have talked about quite a bit on my blog I really feel strongly to talk about it today as it’s been a real issue for me lately.

My mental health has always been something that I’ve had to work on for the last 8 years and I was doing really well up until this past month. I’m not completely sure what triggered it although I have some things that were happening that could have had a role in it, and living on my own for the first time is probably a big reason as well.

I have struggled with depression before but it’s been a long time since it’s been really bad and this month was the worst I have had in a long time.

The only difference this time is that although I didn’t recognise it at the time and felt like I separated from my true self, I was watching my brain and how it was working and I learnt a really big lesson about my mental health which I think may be helpful to anyone else struggling.

I spent a good three weeks in denial and ignoring everything that was going wrong (or I thought was going wrong) for me to finally realise that I have a pattern. Because I have moved home yet my patterns are still the same which helped me to recognise it as myself, such as not cleaning my room anymore, eating bad food, drinking more often, bad sleeping routine, and spending all day watching tv or YouTube and also I stopped doing anything I enjoy such as writing and walking.

I realised these patterns are the same and have always been the same for me, and I was sitting around getting upset at my life whilst wasting time because I couldn’t be bothered to actually face what was going wrong in my life and would rather stay in denial, ignore it and keep hoping for something to happen without doing anything!

This is a hard reality to face but once I recognised it I got even more angry myself but it just became motivation and I just gave myself a talk and have been forcing myself everyday since to not give in to those patterns because they aren’t going to get me anywhere except angry and frustrated.

I also realised this is my Taurus side coming out because we are notoriously stubborn and self destructive and this really was an eye opener for me because once I recognised it it turned it around and became stubborn about about not staying stuck in that thought process. I’m sure anyone reading this who struggles with mental health can relate to this as is the most common issue with depression and anxiety is just denial and avoidance, it’s the irony of needing help but not wanting to face to problem.

Spirituality

Another reason I haven’t written anything is because I completely lost my spirituality… and it’s still gone at the moment. I mean you can never loose your spirituality because we are energy forms in a human body but I just can’t connect to it at the moment. Now this for me was the biggest realisation of how bad my mental health had gotten when I realised I couldn’t connect to my spirituality.

So I realised quickly that something was wrong because it was only a week after loosing my job, I had a cry and just had this feeling that I had lost myself and felt detached from my spirit. I can’t quite explain this feeling but after two years of having a strong connection to myself and my spirituality, I think it’s something I notice very quickly when I’m detached. Also I know everyone who is on a spiritual journey have times when they don’t feel connected. I just had stopped doing all my rituals, working with crystals, meditation, nature walks and full/ new moon rituals. Also felt like I had no guidance.

Now I have had energy healing before so at this time I just sat up in a panic and messaged the person who does my healing and booked myself in for a session because just one week after loosing my job I knew I wasn’t okay and needed help and at this point it had been two weeks since I had written a blog and that was a big sign that I wasn’t my normal self.

I had my healing session two weeks ago today and it was a really overwhelming experience! I didn’t feel it at first and sometimes people don’t feel it for weeks but for me it took my three days until it hit me and I was a mess, I felt worse than I had the previous weeks, I felt more depressed, sad, lost and just miserable. I would like to say that this is because of what I did healing for and I won’t go into what my healer worked on for me other than my chakras but it definitely was an emotional time.

So I did my healing on a Thursday, it took me until Monday before I finally started to feel a change. I had two chakras that were completely blocked and unsurprisingly was connected to to creativity and mental health which is why I hadn’t written anything in a month. So when that Monday came, I woke up crying which was a new experience, but it literally woke me up and I just felt angry at what I had turned my life into because the reality is that none else had done this except me, my home was a complete mess which felt like was such symbolism for where my head was at that I finally got angry at it and found the energy to clean it up and then cried even more that I had finally achieved something, as little as it was because I couldn’t feel my energy and motivation coming back to me the more I cleaned and was tidying up.

Here I am now two weeks on and I have finally come back to my blog as I’ve been wanting to do this for the past week but didn’t know what to write or say, then I realised that maybe just sharing this and writing a sort of journal style blog is a start.

Sadly I’m still not feeling like myself, mentally I’m not okay yet but much better than I was and I’m not going to stop working on myself to get back to where I was and even further. Also I still don’t have a connection to my spirituality which is a problem for this blog as it’s meant to be mainly about spirituality but I am going to keep trying and maybe this blog will bring me back to it and inspire my again.

Also I have some big plans for this blog that I have been thinking about for a few months now and hope to start working on soon that I will let you know about soon! I have my 1 year anniversary for EmilysPerspective coming up this month which is really exciting and I can’t believe it’s been a whole year! This blog has meant everything to me and has helped me learn so much about myself and allowed me to let me creativity out and tell my stories and “perspective” on many things that I hope you have enjoyed reading about!

Thank you so much and hope you enjoyed reading this blog post, I’m finally back to writing and am so happy to get back to what I enjoy! I hope you appreciate this post and it was emotional writing this and hope anyone who is struggling with mental health right now can connect to this blog post.

Thanks, see you in the next blog (no promises on when that will be!)

Energy Transferring

Hi so I’m back today with a blog post about something that I’ve known about for a long time but never felt so strongly about as right now, so today I am going to write about energy and energy transfers.

So I have been observing myself over the last month as I am now living on my own, as I had a conversation with my auntie before I moved out, that I will do some purging as I’m letting go of other people’s energy. I listened to her and took it in but didn’t know what I would feel until I was actually feeling it and its been so eye opening, that I wanted to share it with you.

What is energy?

What is energy? Okay so when I talk about energy, I’m not talking about the man-made energy we created. I’m talking about the energy that we are all made of, because the reality is that our human bodies are just a costume we are wearing to survive in this world. We are energy and when we die, we leave as energy. so energy is our soul/ spirit/ life force/ Chi/ prana or whatever you call it, and we are lucky enough to connect with other humans because of this energy.

What is energy transfer?

Energy is a beautiful thing and we are blessed to get to experience it, but the downside of that is that we tend to feel everyone else’s energy too because “energy attracts energy” as known with the theory with the law of attraction, and this can be good or bad.

So we all beings of energy that attracts the same energy to connect to, so that’s why we attract people into our lives in relation to where we are emotionally at that point in time. So when we are in other people’s energy, we can “take on” whatever they are feeling or experiencing, and this is most obvious when you leave someone’s company and you will feel either energised and happy or drained and have low mood depending on the other person. The positive of this is that it shows you where you are currently in your life and emotional state, given by the energy you are attracting.

My experience

So as I mentioned at the beginning, I have been learning about and watching myself over the last month with how I am reacting to other people and observing where my emotional state has been living on my own. Honestly I have been stunned and amazed by what I have experienced so far and what I have learnt so far about myself.

In the last month I have discovered just how much I really do take on people’s energy, and i didn’t think I was because some people are better at remaining in their own energy and not taking on others too much. I realised a lot of my actions and feelings haven’t been directly mine.

I discovered being on my own that I’m actually pretty unbothered by most things and what used to make me angry or frustrated just wasn’t affecting me anymore. The other thing I have really noticed is that I have more ambition and drive to do what I enjoy, the last few months I was really struggling to do things that I even enjoyed, just because I felt too mentally exhausted to even think about doing those things even if it was just sitting down and writing a blog post, it just felt too tiring or I didn’t have the mental capacity to come up with an idea although the passion and ambition was still there. When I moved out, all of a sudden I was constantly writing new blogs and coming up with new ideas, and the thought of it wasn’t so exhausting.

I have also discovered, that I have been just spending time in silence. This might seem strange but over a month ago I couldn’t have imagined just sitting with myself, I lost touch with meditation or reading because I just couldn’t sit in silence or not have distractions and whenever I would try to just sit, I would just end up thinking of everything else I could be doing or get angry at noise or people’s distractions, but that wasn’t really my problem, my problem was thinking that was my energy to take on, I should have recognised this and found what my interests were in that moment because I did want to meditate or read or else I wouldn’t have thought about it, I was just taking the energy of others and the environment I was in and thinking that was my problem.

Okay that’s all I have to say for this blog, I hope this was interesting as it’s been life changing for me, to start to learn to recognise what is yours emotions and experience or someone else’s.

Thanks and I hope you enjoyed reading, see you in the next blog.