Where Have I Been?

Hello… so I’m back and I’m really sorry it’s been a while since I posted anything, It’s been the strangest time in my life and wanted to just write sort of a journal blog today to get back into this whilst I come up with some new ideas for the blog!

Okay so where have I been? So over a week ago I celebrated two months living in my new home on my own which is really exciting and crazy how fast time can go!

So over the past month since I last wrote Energy Transferring, I lost my job which was really stressful and did affect me a lot more than I realised. At first I felt really relieved but looking back, the job wasn’t stressful over overwhelming. I think I just was heading to a bad mental health and couldn’t maintain my life so when I was fired I felt relieved because I couldn’t just “focus on myself” which turned out to be the furthest from the truth as I ended up mentally becoming worse.

I lost my job a month ago and it really came at the worst time because I had just moved out and starting living on my own which is overwhelming enough as it it but then lost my financial stability which I stayed in denial about for a long time and did a very good job of ignoring.

Mental Health

So this is something I have talked about quite a bit on my blog I really feel strongly to talk about it today as it’s been a real issue for me lately.

My mental health has always been something that I’ve had to work on for the last 8 years and I was doing really well up until this past month. I’m not completely sure what triggered it although I have some things that were happening that could have had a role in it, and living on my own for the first time is probably a big reason as well.

I have struggled with depression before but it’s been a long time since it’s been really bad and this month was the worst I have had in a long time.

The only difference this time is that although I didn’t recognise it at the time and felt like I separated from my true self, I was watching my brain and how it was working and I learnt a really big lesson about my mental health which I think may be helpful to anyone else struggling.

I spent a good three weeks in denial and ignoring everything that was going wrong (or I thought was going wrong) for me to finally realise that I have a pattern. Because I have moved home yet my patterns are still the same which helped me to recognise it as myself, such as not cleaning my room anymore, eating bad food, drinking more often, bad sleeping routine, and spending all day watching tv or YouTube and also I stopped doing anything I enjoy such as writing and walking.

I realised these patterns are the same and have always been the same for me, and I was sitting around getting upset at my life whilst wasting time because I couldn’t be bothered to actually face what was going wrong in my life and would rather stay in denial, ignore it and keep hoping for something to happen without doing anything!

This is a hard reality to face but once I recognised it I got even more angry myself but it just became motivation and I just gave myself a talk and have been forcing myself everyday since to not give in to those patterns because they aren’t going to get me anywhere except angry and frustrated.

I also realised this is my Taurus side coming out because we are notoriously stubborn and self destructive and this really was an eye opener for me because once I recognised it it turned it around and became stubborn about about not staying stuck in that thought process. I’m sure anyone reading this who struggles with mental health can relate to this as is the most common issue with depression and anxiety is just denial and avoidance, it’s the irony of needing help but not wanting to face to problem.

Spirituality

Another reason I haven’t written anything is because I completely lost my spirituality… and it’s still gone at the moment. I mean you can never loose your spirituality because we are energy forms in a human body but I just can’t connect to it at the moment. Now this for me was the biggest realisation of how bad my mental health had gotten when I realised I couldn’t connect to my spirituality.

So I realised quickly that something was wrong because it was only a week after loosing my job, I had a cry and just had this feeling that I had lost myself and felt detached from my spirit. I can’t quite explain this feeling but after two years of having a strong connection to myself and my spirituality, I think it’s something I notice very quickly when I’m detached. Also I know everyone who is on a spiritual journey have times when they don’t feel connected. I just had stopped doing all my rituals, working with crystals, meditation, nature walks and full/ new moon rituals. Also felt like I had no guidance.

Now I have had energy healing before so at this time I just sat up in a panic and messaged the person who does my healing and booked myself in for a session because just one week after loosing my job I knew I wasn’t okay and needed help and at this point it had been two weeks since I had written a blog and that was a big sign that I wasn’t my normal self.

I had my healing session two weeks ago today and it was a really overwhelming experience! I didn’t feel it at first and sometimes people don’t feel it for weeks but for me it took my three days until it hit me and I was a mess, I felt worse than I had the previous weeks, I felt more depressed, sad, lost and just miserable. I would like to say that this is because of what I did healing for and I won’t go into what my healer worked on for me other than my chakras but it definitely was an emotional time.

So I did my healing on a Thursday, it took me until Monday before I finally started to feel a change. I had two chakras that were completely blocked and unsurprisingly was connected to to creativity and mental health which is why I hadn’t written anything in a month. So when that Monday came, I woke up crying which was a new experience, but it literally woke me up and I just felt angry at what I had turned my life into because the reality is that none else had done this except me, my home was a complete mess which felt like was such symbolism for where my head was at that I finally got angry at it and found the energy to clean it up and then cried even more that I had finally achieved something, as little as it was because I couldn’t feel my energy and motivation coming back to me the more I cleaned and was tidying up.

Here I am now two weeks on and I have finally come back to my blog as I’ve been wanting to do this for the past week but didn’t know what to write or say, then I realised that maybe just sharing this and writing a sort of journal style blog is a start.

Sadly I’m still not feeling like myself, mentally I’m not okay yet but much better than I was and I’m not going to stop working on myself to get back to where I was and even further. Also I still don’t have a connection to my spirituality which is a problem for this blog as it’s meant to be mainly about spirituality but I am going to keep trying and maybe this blog will bring me back to it and inspire my again.

Also I have some big plans for this blog that I have been thinking about for a few months now and hope to start working on soon that I will let you know about soon! I have my 1 year anniversary for EmilysPerspective coming up this month which is really exciting and I can’t believe it’s been a whole year! This blog has meant everything to me and has helped me learn so much about myself and allowed me to let me creativity out and tell my stories and “perspective” on many things that I hope you have enjoyed reading about!

Thank you so much and hope you enjoyed reading this blog post, I’m finally back to writing and am so happy to get back to what I enjoy! I hope you appreciate this post and it was emotional writing this and hope anyone who is struggling with mental health right now can connect to this blog post.

Thanks, see you in the next blog (no promises on when that will be!)