Life And Fulfilment

Hello! So today I’m back with another blog just as a sort of ramble because this is what felt right this week.

So…. this is the 30th blog post! Yay! It’s been just over 7 months with this blog and it’s really helped me find my passion of writing and been an amazing outlet for me so far! I really sat and thought about what I wanted to write but I just really wanted to have a little rant and share with you how my life is going so far.

Okay so where do I start! Since I last updated you I have started moving in to my flat and now have a oven, fridge and washing machine which is exciting. I’m still really enjoying working and getting out in the world because I’ve really felt my OCD has been really calm this week, for the first time in a long while so that has been great to see myself just not affected by what would normally have me panicking.

Now I’ve named this “life and fulfilment” because I have noticed something in the past two weeks I wanted to talk about. So moving out has been mentally overwhelming and last week I had “a bit of a meltdown” just over moving as I had just not been as excited or happy about the whole process and just felt stressed and angry which I couldn’t understand. I was struggling to understand this because this has been my goal to move out for the past two years and everything I have been working towards, so I really couldn’t come to grips with why I just wasn’t happy or excited. I wasn’t buying anything because I didn’t want to spend any money and didn’t really feel like i was going anywhere and I just wanted to go to bed and not have to think about it.

So in the end I got angry at myself and called myself out on it and got to work on getting my flat together and moving in. This has been interesting because still am not really excited or happy, even whilst unpacking and putting things away. So this week I good friend said to me “Getting a job and moving out have been your main goals, you have achieved everything you have been working towards” and it really stayed with me because it’s true and is what made me want to write this blog today about fulfilment.

So I wanted to talk about this because honestly, I don’t know why I’m feeling this way but maybe there is someone reading this who is going through the same experience. We all have goals in life however big or small, and they are all individual and important to each of us, to me getting a job was huge for me after spending years full of anxiety and fearful of the world and now being able to work without much stress or nervousness is incredible and I’m really proud of myself for that. That being said, although I’ve recognised this, I don’t really feel like these things satisfy my soul or purpose in life anymore which is strange because when it feels so far out of reach it seems like the dream and that’s what it felt like too me, especially when it came to moving out.

I am happy to have my own place to call my own and my own space and a job that’s given so much freedom and independence over these months but when I sit with myself I don’t feel content, I feel incomplete and like I’m missing a piece of a puzzle. I know this may be a adjustment period of “what’s next?” sort of phase but it’s really had me frustrated over the past week. I have just been thinking a lot about the future which is something I have had to practice a lot to be able to get a job and a flat, but not that these are a reality, I’ve been having a hard time figuring out where to go next because I want to keep evolving and honouring what my soul wants, even if that meant dropping everything to go live in a forest for a while, that is what spirituality has taught me and it’s one of the most powerful and self affirming life lessons I think a person can learn, honouring what your soul wants.

Anyway if anyone is going through a similar situation I would love to hear from you on how you are coping or working on these emotions!

Now that I’ve written all that out, I apologise if this was a bit more negative than I was hoping it would be! I guess I’m just going through a transitional period and I’m working with each emotion as it comes.

I’m sorry it’s a bit of a short blog but I’ve got writer’s block and can’t think up anything else other than just having a ‘journaling’ kind that f blog post but I hope this is interesting and can relate to you in some way.

I would love to hear from you what you would be interested in me writing about for next blog or any suggestions! Thanks for reading!